One morning, Alyson’s husband went out for a bike ride.

He never came home.

A car collided with him, and he suffered fatal injuries. In a single moment, everything Alyson knew about her life changed.

Since then, she has continued to dread going to sleep.

“The incident plays on my mind every night,” she says. “Thoughts of how did it happen, did he know, was he scared? Then I fall apart.”

For Alyson, grief hasn’t looked the way she expected it would.

She felt emotionally numb. She questioned why she couldn’t cry and whether she was in denial. More than anything, she struggled to accept that what had happened was real.

Her whole life had changed.

The things she had once enjoyed were suddenly accompanied by guilt. She felt tired, and everyday jobs around the house became an effort. It was all or nothing.

She had to give up her job.

“I couldn’t focus,” she says. “I couldn’t care less about important issues for the business.”

Her self-esteem became very low, while unanswered questions continued to play on her mind.

When Alyson received support from Aftermath, it helped her realise she wasn’t “going mad” and she began to make sense of grief in her own way.

“It helped me understand a little about grief,” she says. “That there’s many stages. That people will help and don’t be afraid to ask. But if you want to hide, stay in bed, do so. Process it at your own pace.”

Looking back now, Alyson says one of the biggest things she has learnt is that there is no right way to grieve after a sudden road death.

She has experienced the deaths of parents and friends through illness and old age before. Those losses were sad and seemed like a more normal grief. This was different.

“This is different. Not normal.”

Road death can leave behind anger, regrets and so many unanswered questions. For Alyson, there was no chance to say goodbye.

“To go out one morning and never come home.”

Her message to other people affected by road death is simple:

“Talk to people. Accept help.”

Alyson doesn’t think she will ever come to terms with what happened. Instead, she says:

“I just have to learn to live with it the best way I can.”